Limbo

I'm caught in this gigantic world of uncertainty right now. It's so icky feeling. Ethan is so close to being contracted to UNCC's ROTC program, but he's also very close to being locked into a deployment. It's hard not to know if I should be preparing myself for a Wedding next October followed by a honeymoon and 12 months in Charlotte, or a quick ceremony in the spring followed by a year long deployment, home & away from the most important person in my life.

This past weekend was beautiful. So simple and so perfect. It was relaxing at home with E, watching my favorite TV show for hours on end, eating home cooked meals and laughing. It was better than any party I missed out on, any alcohol that could have gotten me drunk. It was the perfect way to spend my time.

I'm getting stoked about next semester, though. Because no matter what direction life takes me, that's going to be happening. I'll only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays which is PERFECT for me. Every weekend will be a four day weekend as far as school goes. This will leave LOTS of time for going to Charlotte, working out, getting homework done, doing an internship and getting extra hours in at work.

Speaking of working out, I've totally put off losing weight long enough. I know why I've done it. I know it and it's embarrassing. I lose weight SO easily. Back in the spring of 2007, I met this guy who I became infatuated with. Older, hot, nice car... yep, that was all the motivation naive, 16 year old me needed to drop like 40 pounds in no time at all.

I was a size 10 people. A SIZE MO'FUCKING TEN!



I gained weight back, and then when E left for training I decided to lose more weight, BOOM. 20 pounds gone in like 2 months. And it's all back and I keep saying, "I'll start next week..." because I know when I start, it will come off. But I don't want to do that anymore. It isn't healthy. I already have scars that I'm not proud of that's resulted from my not keeping myself healthy; I already suffer a bit from my simply being lazy as hell.

So instead of starting tomorrow, or Monday. I'm starting right now. It'll be epic.