Where There Is A Will...

It's three in the afternoon on a Tuesday that is probably, along with tomorrow, going to be one of the busiest days of the semester. I have so much to do, so many things to write and prepare before turning in. Then there are tests to study for, exams to take and then a final drive home from L-R where I'll try to enjoy as much of my Christmas break as I can. This break will be so bittersweet for me. I know that I can only allow myself to be consumed with worry and anxiety for so long, but I can't help but remember that E won't be home for Christmas next year, unless he manages to come home on R&R which is highly unlikely because no doubt there will be soldiers with children who will come home during that time, if it's possible. It's hard because I know that I will want to enjoy every second with him, and yet, every second spent will be a second that has passed, all leading up to the second he will board a plane to the Middle East. I don't want to become clingy or distant, too needy or too independent. I've got to learn how to be the best better half than I can be during times like these. There has to be a better way of dealing with it than what I'm doing now.

I did decide that over the next few months, I'm going to start keeping a list of things that I want to do or get accomplished while E is gone. Not that I couldn't get anything done while he's home, but I think it would help pass the time if I gave myself goals to accomplish to keep me busy. I've read on different forums that time passes slowly, but also fast because duties of being a wife or mother take a front seat. Both fortunately and unfortunately, I won't have many domestic things to take care of since we won't have our own place in the beginning of our marriage and I have no children to tend to. So, that leaves me with plenty of time to get whatever I want to get done, done. I've considered having a weekly project, or maybe a monthly goal. Something to work towards. After graduation there are so many things I never gave myself the time do to... books I've wanted to read, systems I've wanted to organize.

Hopefully I'll be able to work full time while he's away, and save as much of our money as I can. E wants me to go ahead and move into our apartment a few months before he comes home so I'm sure as soon as I start that process I'll be plenty busy as well. Staying alone for those few months before he comes back might be the hardest, but I'm already excited for the day that he gets to come home for the first time. And not just home as in Catawba County, but our home. The home that I will prepare for us while he is getting job done. It makes me so proud when I think of it that way... of how he's making so many sacrifices for us, for everyone. I've never been so consumed with so many dominant emotions as I am when I think about these next two years.

I've also read that it's much easier to count down weeks instead of days until they come home. Fifty-two weeks is much easier on the heart to count down from than 365. So I get to make a fancy countdown calendar once I get official dates, which probably won't be until this time next year. Either way. I have to have something to look forward to.

E finally seems to be getting excited about the wedding and I have to admit, amidst so many negative aspects of what's going on, there are a lot of positives. I finally realized that, while this does mean I have to rush the wedding up a bit, I also get to be a bride sooner. There are so many fun things I can look forward to now for the spring... wedding showers, bridal showers, engagement photos, bridal photos, the rehearsal, the actual ceremony... my honeymoon! Not to mention my graduation that I've worked my ass off for. There are bright spots, yes. They're there! I know they are. I just wouldn't have wished for them to be so smooshed together. I wouldn't wish to have to set a new date, formulate a new plan and make it work. But then again, would it really be traditional Olivia style to do things in an orderly fashion? Not exactly. And if I were really concerned about time crunches, I wouldn't be writing this blog post instead of working on the two research papers, presentation, feature writing project, resume project, org comm exam study guide, media law exam study guide or the research methods literature review. No, obviously I have no real concern over time.

And that's probably how God knew that I could handle this.