Hello, 2013

Since December 18th, I've sat down so many times in an attempt to write. Daily I would stare a blank white space that seemed to taunt me with words that just wouldn't come. Finally, a few days past the New Year, I decided to stop trying until the moment just hit; I'd know when it was time to begin writing again.

Since my anniversary, many things have come and gone that should have been worthy of writing. I bought a car, celebrated Christmas, laughed, rang in the New Year, cried, smiled, frowned, lost weight, gained weight, bounced up and down. I began to bounce back. I missed my husband, I fought with my husband, and at times I forgot what it was like to have a husband. But nothing could come to my mind when I sat down to express it all, so I simply decided that sometimes, not writing was okay.

As of today, we're 56% through with this deployment and I can't even figure out the best way to express my absolute joy of knowing that my husband is coming home this year. Insane. When this whole journey of deployment started, not one ounce of me thought anything good would come of it. But looking ahead, with over half of this ordeal behind us, this distance has done more to enrich our marriage and to help us grow as individuals than anything else ever could have.

I've learned so much about myself, and some of it's good and some of it isn't. It's so interesting how the absence of one person can change everything in your world and make you realize even the tiniest details are what makes life worth while. Before my husband left, I didn't think I cared much for physical touch. A simple hand on my shoulder, a kiss on my forehead, an arm to lean on... these are things I used to find so normal that I forgot I loved them. A few nights ago I watched a couple sit so fluidly together on a sofa watching a movie; hand in hand, nothing more than your typical date night. And I wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry. That's what I miss the most and it kills me that I didn't realize it before E left.

I have no New Years resolution, I can't summarize the past year eloquently.

2013, you will bring my husband home. I can't wait to see you fly by.