I started to cry. He felt helpless. A million thoughts ran through my mind: No time for wedding plan, he's going to miss my graduation, May is almost here, is there any way to get out of this?, what do we do?, I wonder what's going to happen next... so many thoughts, so many fears becoming reality in such a short time. He told me that he had his drill dates but that they weren't stable, and that he would be going to at least two schools, a week each, before he left on May 5th and that he wouldn't know those dates until January. I got off the phone and started looking through my calendar, trying to find a date for us to have our wedding. We both wanted to be married before he left, and I was determined. Frustrated, I posted a status on Facebook as a joke.
I was kidding, at first. And then the more I looked at it, the more sense it made. It was perfect. I called E, told him what I thought we should do and surprisingly, he agreed that it was a good idea. I spent the next few days researching, figuring out how much it would cost, where the money could come from, where we would go to to do it... I was on cloud nine. I found a minister in Asheville who would preform the elopement ceremony and a cabin in the mountains to stay in for a week. And then E said that he would feel more comfortable if someone we knew preformed the ceremony, not someone random. We made a call to his former Youth Pastor, and set an appointment. After that, we went to Charlotte and picked out our wedding bands.
I was adamant that while I wanted to be married, I didn't want this to be my wedding. This was an alternative to the Justice of the Peace, not a wedding, and we would still have a ceremony and reception when E came home. We told selective family members and a few friends of our plans, and while a few were upset that we didn't invite many people, most were extremely supportive. Our moms would be there, Ethan's grandmothers, our sisters and E's dad. It would be small, short and to the point.
Monday, December 12, we met with Andrew Rawls and he agreed to do the ceremony as long as we committed to marriage counseling prior to Ethan's deployment. It was starting to get so real. We set the date. December 17th. The next day, we went to Charlotte and picked up our bands, and I found a white dress at David's Bridal that would be perfect for a small marriage ceremony. Not a wedding, a ceremony.
During this week, there has also been a down side. My grandfather was admitted to the hospital and we thought it was routine. Never a man that I was extremely close to, I'm ashamed to say that it had probably been a year since I had seen him. My older sister and I were going to see him in the beginning of the week but for one reason or another, we didn't make it. Wednesday morning, we got the call that if we wanted to see him, we needed to go now. He wasn't going to make it. I got to the hospital and my sister and I went in the room to see him. We weren't expecting to find him in the state he was in. Skeletal, weak, on life support and not responding, I knew things weren't looking good. I asked my dad if anyone had called my grandfather's brother, and he said no. I was outraged. His own brother didn't know he was dying. After getting permission from my dad, I drove to Burl's house and gave him the news. He was devastated. On my way back to my car, my sister called. They were taking him off life support and were waiting for me to get there.
I got to the hospital and they asked me if I wanted to tell him goodbye. Could he hear me? Did he know what I was saying? I didn't know. I went to his room and it was just the two of us. I apologized to him for not being a better granddaughter, for not going to see him. I told him how I loved him, how my Mamaw Dot would be so proud of who he was. I prayed over him. I asked God's spirit to fill his room, to fill his body and to consume him. I prayed for wisdom for the doctors and strength for my father. I rambled, perhaps. I didn't want to leave... but I did. A few minutes later they took him off life support and he wasn't supposed to last minutes, maybe an hour. And then, the days passed.
Wednesday came and Thursday came and he still hung on. I called into work, cancelled all other plans and stayed by his bedside. Going home a few times during the day and sometimes at night, I was back the next day.Thursday night, my sister and I stayed with him. We were afraid he wouldn't make it through the night and didn't want him to be alone. That night, we talked to the nurse because we were confused. By this time, Hospice had come in and we didn't understand why, if he was still alive, he wasn't being given nutrients or hydration. We had been told his kidney's were shutting down and that he was dying, yet, he was still here. The nurse said that it would only be prolonging the inevitable, maybe making it worse. We were not satisfied, but understood.
Friday came, there were still no answers. Ethan and I decided it wasn't best to go to Asheville for a honeymoon but we were still going to be married Saturday. And married, we were.
It wasn't an ideal situation, please don't get me wrong. But it was perfect. I was in denial that I was getting married until it happened. Our family gathered in the sanctuary of East Maiden Baptist Church and we talked for a bit before Ethan asked everyone to sit down. We stood in front of them, my little sister by my side as our only attendant holding our rings perfectly, making faces at E the whole time. And then I realized how much I loved what was happening. There were no fancy dresses, no flowers, no string quartet... and it was just what I needed. I needed a husband. I needed Ethan and he needed me. And each other is what we got. It lasted ten minutes, when it was over, I was in disbelief. I looked down at my hand and found a wedding band. Yesterday, we were high school sweethearts calling each other a few times a week. We were at a band competition and I was sending him airgrams right before he competed. We were going to the movies. We were graduating high school. We were crying before basic training. And today, we made a commitment to be married for the rest of our lives. It was a beautiful, spiritual and unforgettable moment.
For the most part, our families were supportive. There were many hurt feelings that we decided to limit our guests to only immediate family, but in the end, we had to do what was right for us. And this was so, so right. I don't think I would trade a thing if I could back and do it again, because my end result would have been the same. A beautiful marriage, blessed by God and ordained by one of His.
As for my grandfather, he's still holding on. A week ago today he was taken off of the ventilator and we were told he only had minutes to live before he would pass away. A solid seven days and the doctors are in disbelief. They used the term, "bewildered" as to their state of mind. Days with no food and barely any water and his heart is still beating. Two days ago they started him on more liquids after questioning the ethics behind "making him comfortable" and assuming that he needed a lot of morphine. He shook his head and answered two questions after a few hours and we are truly blessed that he is still with us. No, he might not recover and this may be only a prolonging of the inevitable, but God is not ready for him to go.
It has truly been a bittersweet week, filled with ups and downs and bumps and twists. But it's life. And no longer do I have to experience life alone; I have my husband. What more do I really need?
Pictures of the big (small) day will be here soon! :)
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