Changing It Up

Yesterday was such an important day. I finally paid the deposit on our apartment. I'm not going to lie; the landlady is slightly crazy. Who gives over the key to the apartment before a lease is signed and two weeks before the lease actually begins? I don't know. Mine does I guess. And it feels awesome.

Ethan and I have worked so hard at setting ourselves up for indepenence. When we got married, we weren't ready to live on our own and those first months staying with my mom really took a toll on our marriage. I'm so excited to make a home for us, so that when he comes back he'll have a place that is truly his. I'm excited for my sister to stay with me for the time he's overseas, but I cannot wait for the time that will come when it's just the two of us.

After Pinnick died, I had a few day of sheer panick. I was making myself sick every day and wasn't sleeping for more than a few hours. It was during this time that I realized - or rather, re-realized - how short life is for me to be holding on to so much fear and baggage from the past. In the past few days, I've tried to figure out what exactly the promise I want to make to myself is. I know I want to let go of things, move on from things and start "fresh" so to speak, but there are other things, too. I want to apologize to people who I might have hurt. I want to repair relationships if I can and if I can't, I want to completely let them go knowing that I tried as hard as I could to make things right.

I want to see family more and spend more time doing things I love. I want to work hard but leave my office at the end of the day with my work at the door so that when I'm done, I'm done.

I want to make more friends instead of missing the ones I've lost.

I want to learn stuff. LOTS of stuff.

I want to love my husband unconditionally.

I want to be who God wants me to be. I want to pray alot and do His work. ALL THE TIME.

I'm going to start counting down the days until my husband comes home... not worry that he might not. There is a chance that I might not make it home today, after all.

Here's the next year.