Flapdoodle

I've been holding in this blog post for awhile. I didn't know it was going to be a blog post, but now I definitely realize that this is a perfect outlet to just vent. I'll preface this entire entry by saying that this specific post is not an accurate representation of what my blog is meant to be. Sometimes, however, a girlfriend needs to bitch.

I am not putting up with the flapdoodle anymore.
...okay. In an attempt to keep my blog classy, I went to an online thesaurus and tried to find a synonym for bullshit. Flapdoodle appeared. Much classier. Anyway.

For several months I've felt tension growing. I don't where it came from, or even why. It's happened with several relationships that I'm currently involved in and I just have to say one thing: I am sick of it. I haven't done anything wrong, ok? I'm a good person, a good student and a good friend. If you have a problem with something I've done or said, that's fine. We can fix it. Tell me what the issue is and we'll resolve it. But here's what isn't going to happen anymore: Olivia isn't going to continue to laugh at jokes that aren't funny, pretend her feelings aren't hurt when they are and keep her mouth shut when people who are supposed to be closest to her disappoint her the most. It is absolutely ridiculous. I wake up everyday and I am either ridiculed, made fun of or down right ignored because someone else either feels I deserve it or that I'll be okay because I can "handle" it and they need their "space".Here's the thing: I could handle it, but I refuse. I am not a freaking door mat. I am not the family member or friend that you can treat badly when you feel like it and then cry about not having the moment I try to walk away. I have been torn away from other friends, made sacrifices, watched myself get shoved to the side as soon as an old friend pops up. I have worried myself sick about people who could honestly not care any less about my own well being. I have wasted precious energy that I can never get back trying to talk sense into people who are simply not capable of processing logic. And it's ending. If you already know that I'm an emotional person, why would you not take that into consideration when speaking to me?

I find myself asking why other people are allowed to be honest and say hurtful things and I'm supposed to sit back and take it, but the minute I give it back I'm a bad person and you're upset? That isn't fair. If you can't take it yourself you shouldn't be serving it to other people. That's a lesson some people need to learn. Quickly.

I don't like who I become when I allow myself to be brought down by the words of other people. I'm bitchier and cattier and I find myself trying to say things that have the power to hurt others to the equivalent that they have hurt me and that just isn't fair. An eye for an eye makes the world blind. I don't want to evolve into the habits of others that I cannot stand. I don't want to feel badly for coming off so hateful when all I want to do is prove to others that they aren't the only people who can be rude and treat others badly. I want to set an example. I want to be more like Christ. I want let Him use me, my body, my mind and my mouth. How can I do that when I'm too busy trying to prove my own points? So this entry is my point. The only point that I feel really needs to be made right now.

If you find yourself reading this and rolling your eyes, here's a tip: delete this URL out of your browser and let me know that it symbolizes the deletion of our relationship.

If you find yourself not having anything better to do than make fun of myself and my beliefs, save your breath for someone else who cares because this entry is to let you know that I'm not up for verbal abuse anymore.

If you find yourself screaming at me for things that happened three years ago, save your breath for someone else who cares.

If you find yourself getting angry about what I'm writing, ask yourself why it's hitting so close to home.

If you're so vain that you think this post is about you, it just might be.

If you're worried that this is about you, ask yourself what you have to be worried about.

Look at your life, people. Look at your choices! Words hurt. Actions hurt. The absence of either has the potential to be catastrophic. Think before you speak. Reassess why you're speaking. Is it because you genuinely care about what you're saying? Or is it because you know what you're saying will have an impact on me, positively or negatively and you get a kick out of seeing what comes next?

-end rant.