Calm down.

via Twitter (@lukasyoung)"Dear lord why are some people so Damn dramatic. Your life is only over when your heart is no longer beating. calm the Fuck down!! Geez."

What?!

I know someone who has fibromyalgia and also struggles with anxiety and stress, and I would ask her all the time, "how are you doing?" Sometimes she would say, "I'm having a good day today!", and other times, "Today is not so good..." And I never understood it. I did not understand how someone could one day be on this miraculous high, loving her life without a care in the world and the next day be bedridden from discomfort, depression and fear. I never understood it until this year. This year has been one of the most exhilarating, eye-opening years I've ever had (and it's only May!) but along with excitement and eagerness, I developed into someone who is, at times, overcome by anxiety. Unfortunately, anxiety attacks have become what seems like a bi-monthly event and my OCD has gotten a bit worse. I can't tell if it's caused by something behavioral, environmental or chemical but it's definitely put a strain on my relationships and on my daily living. Yesterday was very good and I was relatively calm; today I have been so anxious that I seriously feel as though if I allowed myself, I could cry a thousand tears and still not feel bit better. I wish I knew why I was like this. I hear about a disease and I immediately begin to allow fear to creep into my head; it isn't hypochondria, it's this obsessive negative thought pattern that takes what is an otherwise normal girl and turns her into a freaking nutcase. Until the day ends. And then the cycle repeats. Maybe. That's the reality of having anxiety issues. I digress...

Lukas tweeted the aforementioned tweet, albeit a bit more explicit than I have tried to keep my blog, it was amazing to read. Seriously. Life isn't over. I can dramatize, obsess, sensationalize and fear as much as I want but life is still going on. Until it doesn't. And then, my fears will be erased anyway. It's so dumb. I feel so stupid sometimes because for me to be so intelligent, I cannot get a grip. I allow myself to be consumed by negative thoughts and anxiety and I forget the most important things. I wish I had answers, I wish I could fix myself but I honestly can't. I've tried. Instead, I will re-read this. I just need to calm down.

Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."