I love to see people I love happy and in relationships, and I get that arguing with your significant other is completely normal, but sometimes it's super hard for me to try and relate. Just a week ago I was with two friends who were planning a trip and they were just not getting along. I tried to be supportive, I genuinely cared about their problems and at the same time I was just on the verge of screaming, "You're right beside each other! You're not 7,000 miles away! What problem could you possibly have that you can't resolve with a hug?"
Completely irrational. I know. I get it. It's sort of like when I see a happy couple out in public and I want to just vomit. I get so resentful when I just see simple displays of affection because I miss it. I miss it so freaking much. I miss my husband's touch and I'm not even talking about sex. I miss holding his hand and having him come up behind me and wrap his arms around me.
It's also sort of like when I hear someone tell me they miss someone who lives within driving distance. Or in the same state. Or on the same fucking continent. I internally give a death stare that could probably take out the taliban on its own. It's totally unfair of me and I am trying so hard, but it's super tough. Some days are better than others and I'm trying to really remember what this sacrifice is for.
I'm trying to remember that every night I go to sleep alone, it's another night that others can sleep safely with their spouses and their kids. I'm reminding myself that this isn't forever and that he'll be home soon. That in the end, it will all be worth it when I've got my husband back home, safe and sound.
So if I seem a little on edge or my fuse a tad short, try to give me a little slack. I'm really trying hard and it's just not an easy journey.
Here's to practicing patience and spreading good cheer.
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