...and tonight I read Job.

February was a really rough month. It was probably the loneliest month that I've spent in awhile because it was also the busiest. Everyone I know has been caught up with work and school, and I have been no exception. Even my weekends have been spent working or trying to make ends meet. Rarely have I found myself waking up and being able to do something that I want to do, and I'm okay with that. Life happens quickly and I'm learning to roll with the punches.

Today was a particularly tough day. I'm struggling with finding balance in my every day life, within every aspect of it. I thought I was covering things up pretty well until this afternoon one of my customers said, "Honey, why aren't you happy?" I told her I was just tired and she said, "I was in here last night and you weren't happy then, either. Are you sure you're okay?" What do you say to that? I told her again that I was fine and that I was just tired. But she saw right through me. I think everyone has to have rough times to appreciate the good times... right now, it's rough.

I was cleaning at work and it had been a long day. My phone rings and it's E. He's so perky and says, "Bug, just talk about what you need to talk about." I needed that so much. I needed a voice that had compassion and the reminder that he was there. I cried. I fought with myself. I rationalized. I read text messages out loud. I cussed about work. I felt like giving up. And then, something phenomenal happened. He was so calm and so assertive. He said, "I want you to read Job." I didn't know what to think. Ethan and I have always been walking on two different roads when it comes to our faith. When he's immersed in it, I'm abandoning it and when I'm showing interest he is not. Then he said, "I know you're going to want to know why I told you to read Job. [Insert synopsis of Job here]. And this has everything to do with you. Even when you're feeling down, like nothing is working and your faith is being tried, you must have perseverance."

I have never been able to cry tears of sadness and sorrow and within minutes tears of joy. Here it is. The next step in our relationship. This is Ethan being my rock. This is where the logic of me being his "help meet" actually starts to make sense. This is husband material. It isn't that we didn't love each other before now, but now, the foundation is clear and it is solid; our faith does not define who we are solely as individuals, but who we will be as a couple. This is a new kind of love.

Tonight, I'm still sad. I'm still scared, frustrated, angry, nervous, sick and disappointed. But tonight, I am reading Job.