51 To Go

It seems like much more time has passed since I last saw E, but it's really only been about a month. It's odd because it feels more like two or three... the time is surely passing slowly.

I've finally started to settle into the apartment and feel like I'm actually "home" when I'm here. Today I purchased accent pillows and picture frames for the living room and it made a world of difference. I also bought this beautiful wooden cross to hang in my living room. In the most exhausting of ways, it somehow convinces me that if I surround myself with reminders of Christ, he'll let my husband come home.

My bedroom is a wreck at the moment, but it's a work in progress. I've found that having things on the wall makes it seem much more like a place to live, rather than a place to sleep. My new favorite thing is a 16x24 image of E & I that was given to me by the photographer who took our pictures right before E left. It's such a bold statement. I just look at it, and remind myself of how it feels to be wrapped in his arms. I call it my favorite place to be.

Today has been rough, though. E and I fought and I hate it. I hate fighting knowing what's at stake. I hate fighting knowing that I'm seeing him in less than two weeks for the last time for almost a whole year.

I also hate knowing that it's Saturday night and I'm by myself. No where to go really, nothing much to do. One day, 51 left to go, I guess.