Tuesday, October 2, 2012

What I love.

A small part of me believes that the weather this week was God's way of telling me that He understands. My favorite month started out hauntingly beautiful with heavy rains, wind, low temperatures and the reminder that I will still praise Him in this storm. Mostly, it's been a slow start to my favorite time of year but I have high hopes that it will surprise me in ways I don't really understand.

On the biggest whim today I bought an iPad 2 from someone that I'm friends with on Facebook. They are a married couple that E and I met when we were visiting a church in Hickory months and months ago, and while we didn't end up staying at that church we left feeling good that we had met many good people who truly changed our lives for the better. This particular couple bought this iPad a few months ago, but realized that selling it was the best decision financially for them. Since I've kind of tossed around the idea of wanting one for awhile, and they needed the money, I felt a bit better about the discounted splurge. I've tried telling myself that Jesus wanted me to have this iPad but that sounds a bit silly. I wanted this iPad, Jesus wants me to help people. Win-win, right?!

But the real win didn't come from the iPad. After spending this money without talking to E I started to get nervous about telling him. This was the first "big" purchase I made without talking it over with him, and he had recently told me he considered a larger purchase himself but decided not to because he knew I'd say we didn't need it. I felt bad at first. And then I had to rationalize with myself that I couldn't call him. I didn't really know the next time I'd be able to discuss something with him and even if he did call, I couldn't be sure that he would be in the right mood to even talk about it. Would he be mad? Apathetic? I did it anyway. It was kind of unnerving. 

I sent E a message on Facebook, hoping he would see it before we talked again. About an hour later I got the most heartwarming surprise. He responded in a way that I genuinely didn't expect. I love my husband so much that sometimes I feel like I can't love anymore, but I always do. And I also know him well. He isn't one to express his emotions very freely and there are so many times I feel like I'm begging a brick wall to tell me how it feels. I know that he loves me and I don't need outward displays of affection like flowers to remind me of this, but sometimes it would be nice. And this message was the equivalent of a million dozens of the finest roses. Pure affirmation of his love for me, his pride in me as his wife and his trust in me. He didn't care about the money being spent and encouraged me to do things for myself... how could I not melt in my seat? When the love of your life pours his heart out to you in words - something he's so rarely confident enough to do - how can you not have a soul that just smiles?

I like my new iPad a lot. I love that I helped a family who needed the extra money. But what I really really really love is my God who blessed with me a husband who loves me.




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