To My Future Kids,
Never get comfortable. I don't mean you shouldn't curl up in your favorite chair and read your favorite book, kind of comfortable or the kind of comfy you feel when you have found the most perfect spot on the bed with the covers bundled around you just right. I mean with life, don't get comfortable. When you're comfortable, you will be shocked by change. You will be wounded by actions you don't expect and you will fall into a sadness that would otherwise be replaced with wonder. Not being comfortable doesn't have to mean being uncomfortable, though. It means you are always aware that things could change. As soon as you feel as though something is solid, rock solid, it might change. Don't be alarmed by that, either. It's probably good. And if it's not good, make it good. There will times when people surprise you - and that's because you got comfortable. I don't mean that you shouldn't trust because if someone earns your trust you give it to them and you cherish it and don't you ever break it. But don't make that a reason to get too comfortable. Always know that things could change. Change. Change. Change. Life will happen, people will disappoint you. You will lose people along the way and you will be a better person because of the mark they left on your life and because of the marks you didn't let them leave on your life. Before that though, it will feel like a knife went through your heart but that goes away. The pain won't stay; the memories will never leave but each day, you'll get stronger and you'll come to your senses. It hurts. It sucks. It makes you regret but don't ever, ever regret. Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve...you deserve more than anyone could give you, but there's a difference in someone giving you their all and giving you what they think will satisfy you. You know what's best for you. If you make decisions and you find out that someone thinks it's the wrong one, that's okay. Trust yourself. If you find out that someone you thought supported you but never really did thinks you made mistakes, use that to fuel your fire. Prove them wrong. Make them realize that you are fierce. Never let someone walk into your life and become one of your top priorities if they only make you an option. It is when you let this happen that you'll get comfortable being an option, and when someone decides you're not an important option anymore, you'll find yourself not knowing where to turn. Don't let it get this far.
But if you do, you WILL be okay. Definitely okay. Because you're stronger than you think and you are not easily broken.
You are strong. You are important. You are valuable. You are unique. You are an amazing friend. You are not to be taken advantage of. You are solid. You are rich with things money can't buy. You are worthy. You are a child of God.
Trust me. It's in your genes.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Adjusting
So many things have completely consumed the first half of January for our family. To start with, there has been a tremendous change of schedule since the end of last year.
Ethan has been pushing to get a full time job here at home ever since he found out about his deployment and decided to leave UNCC for this semester. Many people gave him a hard time about not sticking with school but honestly, this was what was best for us. Having him home to spend these last few months with us before he leaves is priceless to me, and school can come later. I'm a huge advocate for school and education, but I also know that we have our priorities in order. Thankfully, he got a job at Ethan Allen but unfortunately, he's working third shift.
This has been a struggle for me because we're on complete opposite schedules. We get to spend a few hours together in the mornings but other than that, our contact is limited. Ethan goes in to work at 9:30 and works until 6:30 in the morning. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I work from 1:30 until 9:30, so I go to work when he sleeps and he's gone when I get home. on Tuesdays and Thursdays I see him when he wakes up for about an hour, but other than that, I have him for about 2 hours each morning before I go to class or my internship. It's a struggle because we're newly married and we want to be with each other so much and we can't. We fight more than we should because we're so stressed but there isn't much we can do to change it right now. It's also tough because this is a gigantic reminder of what is happening in May. Soon, we won't even have two hours a day together.
In a way, this is making it easier because we're sort of weening ourselves off of one another. But that isn't what a newly married couple should be doing. We are unable to enjoy each night together, each morning together or each afternoon. Occasionally we have an entire weekend to ourselves, but because of Ethan's job, we aren't able to even take a weekend off and go somewhere with just the two of us. It's discouraging but I'm hopeful that we're experiencing out "worst of times" right now, so when he gets home from his deployment, our "best of times" will kick in to full gear and we'll be moving full steam ahead with a somewhat normal marriage.
Sometimes, it doesn't even feel like we're married and that might sound harsh but I think Ethan would agree. Yes, we're living together now but as I mentioned, we aren't around each other much so the time we are together is spent playing catch-up and just rushing through conversation. We don't have time for date nights or watching movies together usually, so I think when he comes home and we have our own home we will find that married life is much more pleasurable and enjoyable.
I've been working on a few of my resolutions for 2012 and I have to say I'm impressed with myself! While I obviously haven't blogged much this new year, I've done many other things. Here's a reminder of what my resolutions were:
I've not been to the gym yet, but I just started school and my internship this week and that's sort of what I've been waiting for. Now I have a really solid schedule and can work in gym time without worrying about being late for anything else. I'm proud to say that we have started going back to church and we're going to visit a few different churches together in the next few weeks. I'll probably stay at my home church during his deployment, but we're hoping to find a permanent "home" together when gets back. I'm also excited about how organized we're becoming! It's a slow process but the whole house is finally gaining some order, and with the help of calendars, filing bins and storage boxes, it's becoming so much easier to live without the stress of misplaced things or confusion over time and events.
As for the cooking, let me just say you cannot say I haven't tried! I've done really well about making breakfast most mornings, or at least setting out the cereal. I've made dinner several times and I try to pack E's lunch before I leave in the afternoons for work or he leaves for work. That being said, it is INCREDIBLY overrated to make everything from scratch. I did, however, make some pretty darn good mozzarella sticks last night. But to make up for when I DON'T feel like cooking, I found this awesome local service that I'm going to give a try next week. It's called Market on Main and this is how they describe their service:
Basically, lunches/dinners are $3.50/each and breakfast is $1.50. They make all the meals you want on Sunday and they're delivered on Wednesday. You keep them in the fridge for the week and heat them up when you're ready for your meal! I'm going to look at this week's menu, order about 5 different meals and keep them on hand for the nights I work until 9:30. This way, E can eat before he goes without having to wake up too early and I can eat when I get home without having to stay up until 11:00 cooking and cleaning. I'm really hoping we like the taste of the meals. They'll deliver for free, so I'm even MORE excited about that.
As i'm adjusting to this new life of mine, I'm starting to figure out just how important certain things are and how unimportant other things are. Ever since I got married, my social life has pretty much dropped off the radar. I don't get texts as much, I don't see my friends as often and phone calls are rather obsolete. I don't know if people think because I'm married I don't want to be bothered or if maybe I'm not trying hard enough myself... but honestly, I'm more lonely now than I was a month ago! Especially during the afternoons when Ethan sleeps and I'm home, I just get slapped with this reality that even though I'm married, I'm by myself. It's tough! I'm valuing the friendships I do have way more, but I'm also learning to adjust to not seeing them. I guess it's just part of life, but it's a part I don't really care for.
I'm hoping that in the next week I'll get used to the new schedule I have, including my workload and that I'll have adjusted better to this new life of mine... one can hope at least.
Ethan has been pushing to get a full time job here at home ever since he found out about his deployment and decided to leave UNCC for this semester. Many people gave him a hard time about not sticking with school but honestly, this was what was best for us. Having him home to spend these last few months with us before he leaves is priceless to me, and school can come later. I'm a huge advocate for school and education, but I also know that we have our priorities in order. Thankfully, he got a job at Ethan Allen but unfortunately, he's working third shift.
This has been a struggle for me because we're on complete opposite schedules. We get to spend a few hours together in the mornings but other than that, our contact is limited. Ethan goes in to work at 9:30 and works until 6:30 in the morning. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I work from 1:30 until 9:30, so I go to work when he sleeps and he's gone when I get home. on Tuesdays and Thursdays I see him when he wakes up for about an hour, but other than that, I have him for about 2 hours each morning before I go to class or my internship. It's a struggle because we're newly married and we want to be with each other so much and we can't. We fight more than we should because we're so stressed but there isn't much we can do to change it right now. It's also tough because this is a gigantic reminder of what is happening in May. Soon, we won't even have two hours a day together.
In a way, this is making it easier because we're sort of weening ourselves off of one another. But that isn't what a newly married couple should be doing. We are unable to enjoy each night together, each morning together or each afternoon. Occasionally we have an entire weekend to ourselves, but because of Ethan's job, we aren't able to even take a weekend off and go somewhere with just the two of us. It's discouraging but I'm hopeful that we're experiencing out "worst of times" right now, so when he gets home from his deployment, our "best of times" will kick in to full gear and we'll be moving full steam ahead with a somewhat normal marriage.
Sometimes, it doesn't even feel like we're married and that might sound harsh but I think Ethan would agree. Yes, we're living together now but as I mentioned, we aren't around each other much so the time we are together is spent playing catch-up and just rushing through conversation. We don't have time for date nights or watching movies together usually, so I think when he comes home and we have our own home we will find that married life is much more pleasurable and enjoyable.
I've been working on a few of my resolutions for 2012 and I have to say I'm impressed with myself! While I obviously haven't blogged much this new year, I've done many other things. Here's a reminder of what my resolutions were:
1. My first resolution is traditional, over done and rarely accomplished so I'll say it first and get it out of the way: eat better, get fit and lose weight. I know, I know... so many say they'll do it but I really, really want to. I've struggled for a long time and I'm so ready to make this happen.
2. Get to church weekly! ...okay at least more often than I've been going. This year, I grew much closer to God and solidified my salvation. I weaved in and out of church but I really want to start going more and reconnect with St.Paul Lutheran Church in Startown.
3. Heart Organizing More! I think anyone who does their selves a favor and visits Jen's blog over at iHeartOrganizing leaves with many a feelings that include, but are not limited to: inspiration, excitement, a little doubt and a slight bit of self loathing... Why couldn't WE be that awesome and imaginative?! All the same, the girl has it going ON and I can't wait to organize, de-clutter, and better manage my life as well as mine and my husband's time and finances.
4. Become a Chef! ...actually, I just want to be able to cook things from scratch occasionally, make things out of a box sometimes, and microwave our dinner on other nights, too. I'm not bad cook but I'm no Betty Crocker. Ethan comes from a family of women who know how to cook well and make marvelous things out of nothing at all. My grandmother loved to cook but when she was alive, I was too young to appreciate the wisdom she could have passed on to me. My mom isn't a lover of the kitchen, so I'm determined to change things up for us both. It's totally time to start trying cool recipes and maybe even make a few of my own!
5. Blog Blog Blog. I love my blog. But it is so weird. Sometimes I rant, other times I post long, meaningful posts, and there's everything else in between. For 2012, I want to create a wonderful space to write and recollect my first year of marriage, among my many other firsts (deployment, year after graduation, etc). I need to update the layout, get a catchy new title & devote more time to writing on a schedule. I also need to do much better about pictures and video, which leads me to my next goal for 2012.
6. Capture My Life! I need to first purchase an awesome camera, but even before that, I intend to document more things photographically as well as through video. I'd love to set a goal of vloging once a month, and also updating my blog with more pictures throughout the year. Not just virtually, though. I want to make photo books, and perhaps dabble a bit in scrapbooking. While it can get expensive, those memories are so worth every penny. You can't take it with you!
7. $ave lot$ of Money! We are by no means a wealthy young married couple, but we're also pretty lucky. I work, Ethan works, Ethan is in the National Guard and we have a lot less debt combined than most young college students accumulate. While we're going to be working to pay off our -mostly my- debt during 2012, I also plan to save lots of money and cut corners wherever I can. As a wife, I think part of my responsibility to my husband is to help provide for as much as I can without losing sight of the fact that my husband is the head of the marriage, just as Christ is the head of the church. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, because I understand that it is an equal partnership that requires just as much work from me as it does him. I am not submitting to his every desire or making him sandwiches when he demands, but I am working to please him just as he works to please me. Together, I pray, that we can become financially secure during 2012 and into 2013 when he comes home.
8. Get my read on. I love books. I love them, love them, LOVE them times infinity. Sad to say, I've maybe read one book since seventh grade. I know, crazy, right? But school has me reading lots of things for no fun and then you throw the internet in my face and all my free time for reading just seems to disappear. But I want to reclaim it and enjoy it and truly reconnect to my favorite past-time. I was given several books for Christmas that I can't wait to read and I look forward to getting new ones. I'm thinking about getting a kindle or a nook, so we'll see how this goes!
9. Be An Awesome Army Wife. It still hasn't sunk in completely that I'm a wife, let alone the wife to an amazing soldier. While his deployment is something I'm dreading, I'm looking forward to taking advantage of my time at home to be better for him and Him. I'm looking forward to sending only the absolute best care packages, writing sweet letters, embracing short phone calls and counting down to r&r and homecoming. I'm already planning video updates, photo-shoots, and other nifty ideas to pass both my time and his. No one looks forward to a deployment, especially in the midst of such an awful conflict, but it is coming. And instead of being in denial, I will take it by the horns and make the most out of such a terrible situation. Look out, deployment, here we come!
10. Keep Making Goals. There are so many other things I want to list. In fact, number 10 was going to be, "be more crafty!" until I realized I could go on and on and on. So my tenth goal is to keep on keepin' on. Everytime I think of something I want to accomplish - like right now, I decided I want to learn to knit - I need to write it down here and remind myself that I have another goal! It's time to make things happen and get the ball rolling.
I've not been to the gym yet, but I just started school and my internship this week and that's sort of what I've been waiting for. Now I have a really solid schedule and can work in gym time without worrying about being late for anything else. I'm proud to say that we have started going back to church and we're going to visit a few different churches together in the next few weeks. I'll probably stay at my home church during his deployment, but we're hoping to find a permanent "home" together when gets back. I'm also excited about how organized we're becoming! It's a slow process but the whole house is finally gaining some order, and with the help of calendars, filing bins and storage boxes, it's becoming so much easier to live without the stress of misplaced things or confusion over time and events.
As for the cooking, let me just say you cannot say I haven't tried! I've done really well about making breakfast most mornings, or at least setting out the cereal. I've made dinner several times and I try to pack E's lunch before I leave in the afternoons for work or he leaves for work. That being said, it is INCREDIBLY overrated to make everything from scratch. I did, however, make some pretty darn good mozzarella sticks last night. But to make up for when I DON'T feel like cooking, I found this awesome local service that I'm going to give a try next week. It's called Market on Main and this is how they describe their service:
Our menu accommodates busy lifestyles for those who want to eat delicious food that is healthy. By ordering from our suggested Meal Plan (breakfast, lunch & dinner) will assure that you are consuming between 1200 or 1600 calories per day. If you are simply tired of cooking or going out to eat, then select your favorite meals as you wish! For your convenience, Lifestyle Market Meals has calculated the nutritional information for you – a great safe way to eat healthy & lose weight! Each day’s delicious menu is well under 30% fat, high in fiber, 3-5 ounces of lean protein, low glycemic carbohydrates and seasoned to perfection.
Basically, lunches/dinners are $3.50/each and breakfast is $1.50. They make all the meals you want on Sunday and they're delivered on Wednesday. You keep them in the fridge for the week and heat them up when you're ready for your meal! I'm going to look at this week's menu, order about 5 different meals and keep them on hand for the nights I work until 9:30. This way, E can eat before he goes without having to wake up too early and I can eat when I get home without having to stay up until 11:00 cooking and cleaning. I'm really hoping we like the taste of the meals. They'll deliver for free, so I'm even MORE excited about that.
As i'm adjusting to this new life of mine, I'm starting to figure out just how important certain things are and how unimportant other things are. Ever since I got married, my social life has pretty much dropped off the radar. I don't get texts as much, I don't see my friends as often and phone calls are rather obsolete. I don't know if people think because I'm married I don't want to be bothered or if maybe I'm not trying hard enough myself... but honestly, I'm more lonely now than I was a month ago! Especially during the afternoons when Ethan sleeps and I'm home, I just get slapped with this reality that even though I'm married, I'm by myself. It's tough! I'm valuing the friendships I do have way more, but I'm also learning to adjust to not seeing them. I guess it's just part of life, but it's a part I don't really care for.
I'm hoping that in the next week I'll get used to the new schedule I have, including my workload and that I'll have adjusted better to this new life of mine... one can hope at least.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Two Thousand And Eleven Years Later...
The end of the year always brings with it many feelings. Bittersweet emotions, memories of days gone by that seemed to have happened just minutes ago, and the dreaded questions of "what if?" or "I wonder if I should have done ____ differently?". Of course, there is also a sense of relief. The calendar and clocks see the ticking of the minutes from 11:59pm on December 31st to 12:00 midnight, January 1st no differently than any other transition they make. Just another day, another frame of time that has passed. For us, however, we allow ourselves the chance to change and make new. With a new year we identify a time of monumental goal setting, massive rearranging and emotional restructuring. While all of the things we promise ourselves and others to accomplish in the "New Year" could happen at any point in time, it is this magical frame of mind we put ourselves in once the ball drops that sets our bodies and minds into motion and we give ourselves permission to drastically (attempt) the correction of the imperfections we have noticed all year long.
I'm no different than the masses, either. I found myself wishing away the holiday season (sorry, Jesus, it's nothing personal against You), and craving the beginning of 2012. Don't get me wrong, 2011 has been kind to me. I had an amazing year at Lenoir-Rhyne that wasn't without its headache, I was engaged (shortly) to the love of my life and married him (quickly) a few months later, and I reconnected with family that had long since been on the back burner of my life. I grew closer to my best friend, reconnected to old friends, mended bridges that needed repair and burned the ones that were leading to no where. So many bumps were in the road for me personally; the passing of my beloved pug, my aunt and most recently my grandfather were at the top of the list of trials. Having Ethan leave for UNCC in the fall, being apart from him and then learning of his deployment surely sent me on an emotional roller coaster that has still yet to stop. I've not managed my weight well, which was a goal of mine for this past year and there are other areas of my life that aren't as de-cluttered as I would have hoped to have had them by now. But just as quickly as 2011 arrived after 2010, 2012 is just around the corner and with it comes that "fresh start" that society has created. I am so going to take advantage of it, too. I'm giving myself that amusing permission I could have granted myself all year long, and I'm vowing to make many changes. Some of them I know before I start, I'll forget in just a few weeks. Others, though, I am truly excited to integrate into myself and my husband.
Here's a compiled list of my goals for the New Year, some of them feasible and others I may only make a small dent in accomplishing. All of them should keep me busy!
1. My first resolution is traditional, over done and rarely accomplished so I'll say it first and get it out of the way: eat better, get fit and lose weight. I know, I know... so many say they'll do it but I really, really want to. I've struggled for a long time and I'm so ready to make this happen.
2. Get to church weekly! ...okay at least more often than I've been going. This year, I grew much closer to God and solidified my salvation. I weaved in and out of church but I really want to start going more and reconnect with St.Paul Lutheran Church in Startown.
3. Heart Organizing More! I think anyone who does their selves a favor and visits Jen's blog over at iHeartOrganizing leaves with many a feelings that include, but are not limited to: inspiration, excitement, a little doubt and a slight bit of self loathing... Why couldn't WE be that awesome and imaginative?! All the same, the girl has it going ON and I can't wait to organize, de-clutter, and better manage my life as well as mine and my husband's time and finances.
4. Become a Chef! ...actually, I just want to be able to cook things from scratch occasionally, make things out of a box sometimes, and microwave our dinner on other nights, too. I'm not bad cook but I'm no Betty Crocker. Ethan comes from a family of women who know how to cook well and make marvelous things out of nothing at all. My grandmother loved to cook but when she was alive, I was too young to appreciate the wisdom she could have passed on to me. My mom isn't a lover of the kitchen, so I'm determined to change things up for us both. It's totally time to start trying cool recipes and maybe even make a few of my own!
5. Blog Blog Blog. I love my blog. But it is so weird. Sometimes I rant, other times I post long, meaningful posts, and there's everything else in between. For 2012, I want to create a wonderful space to write and recollect my first year of marriage, among my many other firsts (deployment, year after graduation, etc). I need to update the layout, get a catchy new title & devote more time to writing on a schedule. I also need to do much better about pictures and video, which leads me to my next goal for 2012.
6. Capture My Life! I need to first purchase an awesome camera, but even before that, I intend to document more things photographically as well as through video. I'd love to set a goal of vloging once a month, and also updating my blog with more pictures throughout the year. Not just virtually, though. I want to make photo books, and perhaps dabble a bit in scrapbooking. While it can get expensive, those memories are so worth every penny. You can't take it with you!
7. $ave lot$ of Money! We are by no means a wealthy young married couple, but we're also pretty lucky. I work, Ethan works, Ethan is in the National Guard and we have a lot less debt combined than most young college students accumulate. While we're going to be working to pay off our -mostly my- debt during 2012, I also plan to save lots of money and cut corners wherever I can. As a wife, I think part of my responsibility to my husband is to help provide for as much as I can without losing sight of the fact that my husband is the head of the marriage, just as Christ is the head of the church. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, because I understand that it is an equal partnership that requires just as much work from me as it does him. I am not submitting to his every desire or making him sandwiches when he demands, but I am working to please him just as he works to please me. Together, I pray, that we can become financially secure during 2012 and into 2013 when he comes home.
8. Get my read on. I love books. I love them, love them, LOVE them times infinity. Sad to say, I've maybe read one book since seventh grade. I know, crazy, right? But school has me reading lots of things for no fun and then you throw the internet in my face and all my free time for reading just seems to disappear. But I want to reclaim it and enjoy it and truly reconnect to my favorite past-time. I was given several books for Christmas that I can't wait to read and I look forward to getting new ones. I'm thinking about getting a kindle or a nook, so we'll see how this goes!
9. Be An Awesome Army Wife. It still hasn't sunk in completely that I'm a wife, let alone the wife to an amazing soldier. While his deployment is something I'm dreading, I'm looking forward to taking advantage of my time at home to be better for him and Him. I'm looking forward to sending only the absolute best care packages, writing sweet letters, embracing short phone calls and counting down to r&r and homecoming. I'm already planning video updates, photo-shoots, and other nifty ideas to pass both my time and his. No one looks forward to a deployment, especially in the midst of such an awful conflict, but it is coming. And instead of being in denial, I will take it by the horns and make the most out of such a terrible situation. Look out, deployment, here we come!
10. Keep Making Goals. There are so many other things I want to list. In fact, number 10 was going to be, "be more crafty!" until I realized I could go on and on and on. So my tenth goal is to keep on keepin' on. Everytime I think of something I want to accomplish - like right now, I decided I want to learn to knit - I need to write it down here and remind myself that I have another goal! It's time to make things happen and get the ball rolling.
2012 is going bring me so much STUFF. It's going to bring me a graduation, a (prayerfully) new job, a deployment, a first full year of marriage, birthdays & holidays without my husband and I'm sure a million surprises along the way. And it will also bring me another year of Christ. I can't forget what happened two thousand and eleven years ago; what happened that marks the turning of each year.
"I believe in God,
the Father almighty,
Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died and was buried;
he descended into hell;
on the third day he rose again from the dead;
he ascended into heaven,
and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty;
from there he will come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting. Amen."
Cheers to a blessed New Year, I'll see you on the flip side.
I'm no different than the masses, either. I found myself wishing away the holiday season (sorry, Jesus, it's nothing personal against You), and craving the beginning of 2012. Don't get me wrong, 2011 has been kind to me. I had an amazing year at Lenoir-Rhyne that wasn't without its headache, I was engaged (shortly) to the love of my life and married him (quickly) a few months later, and I reconnected with family that had long since been on the back burner of my life. I grew closer to my best friend, reconnected to old friends, mended bridges that needed repair and burned the ones that were leading to no where. So many bumps were in the road for me personally; the passing of my beloved pug, my aunt and most recently my grandfather were at the top of the list of trials. Having Ethan leave for UNCC in the fall, being apart from him and then learning of his deployment surely sent me on an emotional roller coaster that has still yet to stop. I've not managed my weight well, which was a goal of mine for this past year and there are other areas of my life that aren't as de-cluttered as I would have hoped to have had them by now. But just as quickly as 2011 arrived after 2010, 2012 is just around the corner and with it comes that "fresh start" that society has created. I am so going to take advantage of it, too. I'm giving myself that amusing permission I could have granted myself all year long, and I'm vowing to make many changes. Some of them I know before I start, I'll forget in just a few weeks. Others, though, I am truly excited to integrate into myself and my husband.
Here's a compiled list of my goals for the New Year, some of them feasible and others I may only make a small dent in accomplishing. All of them should keep me busy!
1. My first resolution is traditional, over done and rarely accomplished so I'll say it first and get it out of the way: eat better, get fit and lose weight. I know, I know... so many say they'll do it but I really, really want to. I've struggled for a long time and I'm so ready to make this happen.
2. Get to church weekly! ...okay at least more often than I've been going. This year, I grew much closer to God and solidified my salvation. I weaved in and out of church but I really want to start going more and reconnect with St.Paul Lutheran Church in Startown.
3. Heart Organizing More! I think anyone who does their selves a favor and visits Jen's blog over at iHeartOrganizing leaves with many a feelings that include, but are not limited to: inspiration, excitement, a little doubt and a slight bit of self loathing... Why couldn't WE be that awesome and imaginative?! All the same, the girl has it going ON and I can't wait to organize, de-clutter, and better manage my life as well as mine and my husband's time and finances.
4. Become a Chef! ...actually, I just want to be able to cook things from scratch occasionally, make things out of a box sometimes, and microwave our dinner on other nights, too. I'm not bad cook but I'm no Betty Crocker. Ethan comes from a family of women who know how to cook well and make marvelous things out of nothing at all. My grandmother loved to cook but when she was alive, I was too young to appreciate the wisdom she could have passed on to me. My mom isn't a lover of the kitchen, so I'm determined to change things up for us both. It's totally time to start trying cool recipes and maybe even make a few of my own!
5. Blog Blog Blog. I love my blog. But it is so weird. Sometimes I rant, other times I post long, meaningful posts, and there's everything else in between. For 2012, I want to create a wonderful space to write and recollect my first year of marriage, among my many other firsts (deployment, year after graduation, etc). I need to update the layout, get a catchy new title & devote more time to writing on a schedule. I also need to do much better about pictures and video, which leads me to my next goal for 2012.
6. Capture My Life! I need to first purchase an awesome camera, but even before that, I intend to document more things photographically as well as through video. I'd love to set a goal of vloging once a month, and also updating my blog with more pictures throughout the year. Not just virtually, though. I want to make photo books, and perhaps dabble a bit in scrapbooking. While it can get expensive, those memories are so worth every penny. You can't take it with you!
7. $ave lot$ of Money! We are by no means a wealthy young married couple, but we're also pretty lucky. I work, Ethan works, Ethan is in the National Guard and we have a lot less debt combined than most young college students accumulate. While we're going to be working to pay off our -mostly my- debt during 2012, I also plan to save lots of money and cut corners wherever I can. As a wife, I think part of my responsibility to my husband is to help provide for as much as I can without losing sight of the fact that my husband is the head of the marriage, just as Christ is the head of the church. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, because I understand that it is an equal partnership that requires just as much work from me as it does him. I am not submitting to his every desire or making him sandwiches when he demands, but I am working to please him just as he works to please me. Together, I pray, that we can become financially secure during 2012 and into 2013 when he comes home.
8. Get my read on. I love books. I love them, love them, LOVE them times infinity. Sad to say, I've maybe read one book since seventh grade. I know, crazy, right? But school has me reading lots of things for no fun and then you throw the internet in my face and all my free time for reading just seems to disappear. But I want to reclaim it and enjoy it and truly reconnect to my favorite past-time. I was given several books for Christmas that I can't wait to read and I look forward to getting new ones. I'm thinking about getting a kindle or a nook, so we'll see how this goes!
9. Be An Awesome Army Wife. It still hasn't sunk in completely that I'm a wife, let alone the wife to an amazing soldier. While his deployment is something I'm dreading, I'm looking forward to taking advantage of my time at home to be better for him and Him. I'm looking forward to sending only the absolute best care packages, writing sweet letters, embracing short phone calls and counting down to r&r and homecoming. I'm already planning video updates, photo-shoots, and other nifty ideas to pass both my time and his. No one looks forward to a deployment, especially in the midst of such an awful conflict, but it is coming. And instead of being in denial, I will take it by the horns and make the most out of such a terrible situation. Look out, deployment, here we come!
10. Keep Making Goals. There are so many other things I want to list. In fact, number 10 was going to be, "be more crafty!" until I realized I could go on and on and on. So my tenth goal is to keep on keepin' on. Everytime I think of something I want to accomplish - like right now, I decided I want to learn to knit - I need to write it down here and remind myself that I have another goal! It's time to make things happen and get the ball rolling.
2012 is going bring me so much STUFF. It's going to bring me a graduation, a (prayerfully) new job, a deployment, a first full year of marriage, birthdays & holidays without my husband and I'm sure a million surprises along the way. And it will also bring me another year of Christ. I can't forget what happened two thousand and eleven years ago; what happened that marks the turning of each year.
"I believe in God,
the Father almighty,
Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died and was buried;
he descended into hell;
on the third day he rose again from the dead;
he ascended into heaven,
and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty;
from there he will come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting. Amen."
Cheers to a blessed New Year, I'll see you on the flip side.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Pictures of the Big Little Day
As promised, here are some pictures of our big, little day.
I'm pretty sure I was saying my vows to Ethan here:
The first kiss:
With my sisters:
Ethan's Dad's side of the family:
With our moms and Gina's husband, Kyle:
I'm pretty sure I was saying my vows to Ethan here:
The first kiss:
With my sisters:
Ethan's Dad's side of the family:
With our moms and Gina's husband, Kyle:
Monday, December 19, 2011
Keep Calm & Elope: Our Story
The first weekend of December, Ethan had drill with his new unit in Laurinburg for the first time. When he got there, he was told he would be given his drill dates and the date that he would be leaving for his deployment. Anxiously, I waited to hear the news. Would he be leaving at the beginning of July? Maybe the end? Could it possibly have been pushed back to August? I was so eager to find out what our plans were. He called me on a Saturday morning and told me that he had news but that it wasn't very good. Momentarily, I told him I didn't want to know. I wanted to pretend like if he didn't tell me, my plans could stay the same somehow. But a few moments later, I asked what he knew and discovered that he would be leaving much earlier than expected... May 5th, 2012.
I started to cry. He felt helpless. A million thoughts ran through my mind: No time for wedding plan, he's going to miss my graduation, May is almost here, is there any way to get out of this?, what do we do?, I wonder what's going to happen next... so many thoughts, so many fears becoming reality in such a short time. He told me that he had his drill dates but that they weren't stable, and that he would be going to at least two schools, a week each, before he left on May 5th and that he wouldn't know those dates until January. I got off the phone and started looking through my calendar, trying to find a date for us to have our wedding. We both wanted to be married before he left, and I was determined. Frustrated, I posted a status on Facebook as a joke.
I was kidding, at first. And then the more I looked at it, the more sense it made. It was perfect. I called E, told him what I thought we should do and surprisingly, he agreed that it was a good idea. I spent the next few days researching, figuring out how much it would cost, where the money could come from, where we would go to to do it... I was on cloud nine. I found a minister in Asheville who would preform the elopement ceremony and a cabin in the mountains to stay in for a week. And then E said that he would feel more comfortable if someone we knew preformed the ceremony, not someone random. We made a call to his former Youth Pastor, and set an appointment. After that, we went to Charlotte and picked out our wedding bands.
I was adamant that while I wanted to be married, I didn't want this to be my wedding. This was an alternative to the Justice of the Peace, not a wedding, and we would still have a ceremony and reception when E came home. We told selective family members and a few friends of our plans, and while a few were upset that we didn't invite many people, most were extremely supportive. Our moms would be there, Ethan's grandmothers, our sisters and E's dad. It would be small, short and to the point.
Monday, December 12, we met with Andrew Rawls and he agreed to do the ceremony as long as we committed to marriage counseling prior to Ethan's deployment. It was starting to get so real. We set the date. December 17th. The next day, we went to Charlotte and picked up our bands, and I found a white dress at David's Bridal that would be perfect for a small marriage ceremony. Not a wedding, a ceremony.
During this week, there has also been a down side. My grandfather was admitted to the hospital and we thought it was routine. Never a man that I was extremely close to, I'm ashamed to say that it had probably been a year since I had seen him. My older sister and I were going to see him in the beginning of the week but for one reason or another, we didn't make it. Wednesday morning, we got the call that if we wanted to see him, we needed to go now. He wasn't going to make it. I got to the hospital and my sister and I went in the room to see him. We weren't expecting to find him in the state he was in. Skeletal, weak, on life support and not responding, I knew things weren't looking good. I asked my dad if anyone had called my grandfather's brother, and he said no. I was outraged. His own brother didn't know he was dying. After getting permission from my dad, I drove to Burl's house and gave him the news. He was devastated. On my way back to my car, my sister called. They were taking him off life support and were waiting for me to get there.
I got to the hospital and they asked me if I wanted to tell him goodbye. Could he hear me? Did he know what I was saying? I didn't know. I went to his room and it was just the two of us. I apologized to him for not being a better granddaughter, for not going to see him. I told him how I loved him, how my Mamaw Dot would be so proud of who he was. I prayed over him. I asked God's spirit to fill his room, to fill his body and to consume him. I prayed for wisdom for the doctors and strength for my father. I rambled, perhaps. I didn't want to leave... but I did. A few minutes later they took him off life support and he wasn't supposed to last minutes, maybe an hour. And then, the days passed.
Wednesday came and Thursday came and he still hung on. I called into work, cancelled all other plans and stayed by his bedside. Going home a few times during the day and sometimes at night, I was back the next day.Thursday night, my sister and I stayed with him. We were afraid he wouldn't make it through the night and didn't want him to be alone. That night, we talked to the nurse because we were confused. By this time, Hospice had come in and we didn't understand why, if he was still alive, he wasn't being given nutrients or hydration. We had been told his kidney's were shutting down and that he was dying, yet, he was still here. The nurse said that it would only be prolonging the inevitable, maybe making it worse. We were not satisfied, but understood.
Friday came, there were still no answers. Ethan and I decided it wasn't best to go to Asheville for a honeymoon but we were still going to be married Saturday. And married, we were.
It wasn't an ideal situation, please don't get me wrong. But it was perfect. I was in denial that I was getting married until it happened. Our family gathered in the sanctuary of East Maiden Baptist Church and we talked for a bit before Ethan asked everyone to sit down. We stood in front of them, my little sister by my side as our only attendant holding our rings perfectly, making faces at E the whole time. And then I realized how much I loved what was happening. There were no fancy dresses, no flowers, no string quartet... and it was just what I needed. I needed a husband. I needed Ethan and he needed me. And each other is what we got. It lasted ten minutes, when it was over, I was in disbelief. I looked down at my hand and found a wedding band. Yesterday, we were high school sweethearts calling each other a few times a week. We were at a band competition and I was sending him airgrams right before he competed. We were going to the movies. We were graduating high school. We were crying before basic training. And today, we made a commitment to be married for the rest of our lives. It was a beautiful, spiritual and unforgettable moment.
For the most part, our families were supportive. There were many hurt feelings that we decided to limit our guests to only immediate family, but in the end, we had to do what was right for us. And this was so, so right. I don't think I would trade a thing if I could back and do it again, because my end result would have been the same. A beautiful marriage, blessed by God and ordained by one of His.
As for my grandfather, he's still holding on. A week ago today he was taken off of the ventilator and we were told he only had minutes to live before he would pass away. A solid seven days and the doctors are in disbelief. They used the term, "bewildered" as to their state of mind. Days with no food and barely any water and his heart is still beating. Two days ago they started him on more liquids after questioning the ethics behind "making him comfortable" and assuming that he needed a lot of morphine. He shook his head and answered two questions after a few hours and we are truly blessed that he is still with us. No, he might not recover and this may be only a prolonging of the inevitable, but God is not ready for him to go.
It has truly been a bittersweet week, filled with ups and downs and bumps and twists. But it's life. And no longer do I have to experience life alone; I have my husband. What more do I really need?
Pictures of the big (small) day will be here soon! :)
I started to cry. He felt helpless. A million thoughts ran through my mind: No time for wedding plan, he's going to miss my graduation, May is almost here, is there any way to get out of this?, what do we do?, I wonder what's going to happen next... so many thoughts, so many fears becoming reality in such a short time. He told me that he had his drill dates but that they weren't stable, and that he would be going to at least two schools, a week each, before he left on May 5th and that he wouldn't know those dates until January. I got off the phone and started looking through my calendar, trying to find a date for us to have our wedding. We both wanted to be married before he left, and I was determined. Frustrated, I posted a status on Facebook as a joke.
I was kidding, at first. And then the more I looked at it, the more sense it made. It was perfect. I called E, told him what I thought we should do and surprisingly, he agreed that it was a good idea. I spent the next few days researching, figuring out how much it would cost, where the money could come from, where we would go to to do it... I was on cloud nine. I found a minister in Asheville who would preform the elopement ceremony and a cabin in the mountains to stay in for a week. And then E said that he would feel more comfortable if someone we knew preformed the ceremony, not someone random. We made a call to his former Youth Pastor, and set an appointment. After that, we went to Charlotte and picked out our wedding bands.
I was adamant that while I wanted to be married, I didn't want this to be my wedding. This was an alternative to the Justice of the Peace, not a wedding, and we would still have a ceremony and reception when E came home. We told selective family members and a few friends of our plans, and while a few were upset that we didn't invite many people, most were extremely supportive. Our moms would be there, Ethan's grandmothers, our sisters and E's dad. It would be small, short and to the point.
Monday, December 12, we met with Andrew Rawls and he agreed to do the ceremony as long as we committed to marriage counseling prior to Ethan's deployment. It was starting to get so real. We set the date. December 17th. The next day, we went to Charlotte and picked up our bands, and I found a white dress at David's Bridal that would be perfect for a small marriage ceremony. Not a wedding, a ceremony.
During this week, there has also been a down side. My grandfather was admitted to the hospital and we thought it was routine. Never a man that I was extremely close to, I'm ashamed to say that it had probably been a year since I had seen him. My older sister and I were going to see him in the beginning of the week but for one reason or another, we didn't make it. Wednesday morning, we got the call that if we wanted to see him, we needed to go now. He wasn't going to make it. I got to the hospital and my sister and I went in the room to see him. We weren't expecting to find him in the state he was in. Skeletal, weak, on life support and not responding, I knew things weren't looking good. I asked my dad if anyone had called my grandfather's brother, and he said no. I was outraged. His own brother didn't know he was dying. After getting permission from my dad, I drove to Burl's house and gave him the news. He was devastated. On my way back to my car, my sister called. They were taking him off life support and were waiting for me to get there.
I got to the hospital and they asked me if I wanted to tell him goodbye. Could he hear me? Did he know what I was saying? I didn't know. I went to his room and it was just the two of us. I apologized to him for not being a better granddaughter, for not going to see him. I told him how I loved him, how my Mamaw Dot would be so proud of who he was. I prayed over him. I asked God's spirit to fill his room, to fill his body and to consume him. I prayed for wisdom for the doctors and strength for my father. I rambled, perhaps. I didn't want to leave... but I did. A few minutes later they took him off life support and he wasn't supposed to last minutes, maybe an hour. And then, the days passed.
Wednesday came and Thursday came and he still hung on. I called into work, cancelled all other plans and stayed by his bedside. Going home a few times during the day and sometimes at night, I was back the next day.Thursday night, my sister and I stayed with him. We were afraid he wouldn't make it through the night and didn't want him to be alone. That night, we talked to the nurse because we were confused. By this time, Hospice had come in and we didn't understand why, if he was still alive, he wasn't being given nutrients or hydration. We had been told his kidney's were shutting down and that he was dying, yet, he was still here. The nurse said that it would only be prolonging the inevitable, maybe making it worse. We were not satisfied, but understood.
Friday came, there were still no answers. Ethan and I decided it wasn't best to go to Asheville for a honeymoon but we were still going to be married Saturday. And married, we were.
It wasn't an ideal situation, please don't get me wrong. But it was perfect. I was in denial that I was getting married until it happened. Our family gathered in the sanctuary of East Maiden Baptist Church and we talked for a bit before Ethan asked everyone to sit down. We stood in front of them, my little sister by my side as our only attendant holding our rings perfectly, making faces at E the whole time. And then I realized how much I loved what was happening. There were no fancy dresses, no flowers, no string quartet... and it was just what I needed. I needed a husband. I needed Ethan and he needed me. And each other is what we got. It lasted ten minutes, when it was over, I was in disbelief. I looked down at my hand and found a wedding band. Yesterday, we were high school sweethearts calling each other a few times a week. We were at a band competition and I was sending him airgrams right before he competed. We were going to the movies. We were graduating high school. We were crying before basic training. And today, we made a commitment to be married for the rest of our lives. It was a beautiful, spiritual and unforgettable moment.
For the most part, our families were supportive. There were many hurt feelings that we decided to limit our guests to only immediate family, but in the end, we had to do what was right for us. And this was so, so right. I don't think I would trade a thing if I could back and do it again, because my end result would have been the same. A beautiful marriage, blessed by God and ordained by one of His.
As for my grandfather, he's still holding on. A week ago today he was taken off of the ventilator and we were told he only had minutes to live before he would pass away. A solid seven days and the doctors are in disbelief. They used the term, "bewildered" as to their state of mind. Days with no food and barely any water and his heart is still beating. Two days ago they started him on more liquids after questioning the ethics behind "making him comfortable" and assuming that he needed a lot of morphine. He shook his head and answered two questions after a few hours and we are truly blessed that he is still with us. No, he might not recover and this may be only a prolonging of the inevitable, but God is not ready for him to go.
It has truly been a bittersweet week, filled with ups and downs and bumps and twists. But it's life. And no longer do I have to experience life alone; I have my husband. What more do I really need?
Pictures of the big (small) day will be here soon! :)
Sunday, December 11, 2011
...the11th? Already?
I'm ashamed that it's December 11th and I've just now made time to write for the first time this month. Here's a big shocker: I should be working on - or rather, starting- a final project for my feature writing class that's due tomorrow morning. Instead, I find myself eager and determined to crank out a December blog post. Sometimes, I have such little motivation to write. Does anyone read this thing anymore? Maybe they do. And then I remind myself of my sweet child(ren) who may read this one day. I remind myself that I, too, want to look back and remember who I was and that I've made a promise to not-yet-to-be concieved gifts from God that I will document myself for their beneift.
December is always a crazy month. For the past ten days I have been writing massive papers, studying for final exams and balancing an abnormal social life with a few friends and E. Between wedding planning, emotional breakdowns, tantruns, triumphs, naps, sickness, working & day dreaming, well, there has been little room for much else. I can remember back when October arrived and I was thirlled and saddned...I knew that when I blinked my eyes, Christmas would be here and the magic of my favorite months would be gone. And here I sit, December the 11th, and the time has flown by.
Last night, we had a small get together with friends and family for the holidays. Joyous but tiring! Today, we went to Christopher's birthday party and the Shaw's Christmas dinner before I came home to "work". I forgot how tiring the holiday's can be... just three weeks ago I put my tree up in my room and I've barely had time to enjoy it. I moved it in our living room last night so I could see it more and so mom could see it. I like it better in my room but at least out there it isn't being neglected.
I have so much to say in this that I can't yet. I'm not a good secret keeper. I'm down right awful with keeping my mouth shut. But in good time I will write a post that will make up for this slightly awful one... all in good time.
December is always a crazy month. For the past ten days I have been writing massive papers, studying for final exams and balancing an abnormal social life with a few friends and E. Between wedding planning, emotional breakdowns, tantruns, triumphs, naps, sickness, working & day dreaming, well, there has been little room for much else. I can remember back when October arrived and I was thirlled and saddned...I knew that when I blinked my eyes, Christmas would be here and the magic of my favorite months would be gone. And here I sit, December the 11th, and the time has flown by.
Last night, we had a small get together with friends and family for the holidays. Joyous but tiring! Today, we went to Christopher's birthday party and the Shaw's Christmas dinner before I came home to "work". I forgot how tiring the holiday's can be... just three weeks ago I put my tree up in my room and I've barely had time to enjoy it. I moved it in our living room last night so I could see it more and so mom could see it. I like it better in my room but at least out there it isn't being neglected.
I have so much to say in this that I can't yet. I'm not a good secret keeper. I'm down right awful with keeping my mouth shut. But in good time I will write a post that will make up for this slightly awful one... all in good time.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Where There Is A Will...
It's three in the afternoon on a Tuesday that is probably, along with tomorrow, going to be one of the busiest days of the semester. I have so much to do, so many things to write and prepare before turning in. Then there are tests to study for, exams to take and then a final drive home from L-R where I'll try to enjoy as much of my Christmas break as I can. This break will be so bittersweet for me. I know that I can only allow myself to be consumed with worry and anxiety for so long, but I can't help but remember that E won't be home for Christmas next year, unless he manages to come home on R&R which is highly unlikely because no doubt there will be soldiers with children who will come home during that time, if it's possible. It's hard because I know that I will want to enjoy every second with him, and yet, every second spent will be a second that has passed, all leading up to the second he will board a plane to the Middle East. I don't want to become clingy or distant, too needy or too independent. I've got to learn how to be the best better half than I can be during times like these. There has to be a better way of dealing with it than what I'm doing now.
I did decide that over the next few months, I'm going to start keeping a list of things that I want to do or get accomplished while E is gone. Not that I couldn't get anything done while he's home, but I think it would help pass the time if I gave myself goals to accomplish to keep me busy. I've read on different forums that time passes slowly, but also fast because duties of being a wife or mother take a front seat. Both fortunately and unfortunately, I won't have many domestic things to take care of since we won't have our own place in the beginning of our marriage and I have no children to tend to. So, that leaves me with plenty of time to get whatever I want to get done, done. I've considered having a weekly project, or maybe a monthly goal. Something to work towards. After graduation there are so many things I never gave myself the time do to... books I've wanted to read, systems I've wanted to organize.
Hopefully I'll be able to work full time while he's away, and save as much of our money as I can. E wants me to go ahead and move into our apartment a few months before he comes home so I'm sure as soon as I start that process I'll be plenty busy as well. Staying alone for those few months before he comes back might be the hardest, but I'm already excited for the day that he gets to come home for the first time. And not just home as in Catawba County, but our home. The home that I will prepare for us while he is getting job done. It makes me so proud when I think of it that way... of how he's making so many sacrifices for us, for everyone. I've never been so consumed with so many dominant emotions as I am when I think about these next two years.
I've also read that it's much easier to count down weeks instead of days until they come home. Fifty-two weeks is much easier on the heart to count down from than 365. So I get to make a fancy countdown calendar once I get official dates, which probably won't be until this time next year. Either way. I have to have something to look forward to.
E finally seems to be getting excited about the wedding and I have to admit, amidst so many negative aspects of what's going on, there are a lot of positives. I finally realized that, while this does mean I have to rush the wedding up a bit, I also get to be a bride sooner. There are so many fun things I can look forward to now for the spring... wedding showers, bridal showers, engagement photos, bridal photos, the rehearsal, the actual ceremony... my honeymoon! Not to mention my graduation that I've worked my ass off for. There are bright spots, yes. They're there! I know they are. I just wouldn't have wished for them to be so smooshed together. I wouldn't wish to have to set a new date, formulate a new plan and make it work. But then again, would it really be traditional Olivia style to do things in an orderly fashion? Not exactly. And if I were really concerned about time crunches, I wouldn't be writing this blog post instead of working on the two research papers, presentation, feature writing project, resume project, org comm exam study guide, media law exam study guide or the research methods literature review. No, obviously I have no real concern over time.
And that's probably how God knew that I could handle this.
I did decide that over the next few months, I'm going to start keeping a list of things that I want to do or get accomplished while E is gone. Not that I couldn't get anything done while he's home, but I think it would help pass the time if I gave myself goals to accomplish to keep me busy. I've read on different forums that time passes slowly, but also fast because duties of being a wife or mother take a front seat. Both fortunately and unfortunately, I won't have many domestic things to take care of since we won't have our own place in the beginning of our marriage and I have no children to tend to. So, that leaves me with plenty of time to get whatever I want to get done, done. I've considered having a weekly project, or maybe a monthly goal. Something to work towards. After graduation there are so many things I never gave myself the time do to... books I've wanted to read, systems I've wanted to organize.
Hopefully I'll be able to work full time while he's away, and save as much of our money as I can. E wants me to go ahead and move into our apartment a few months before he comes home so I'm sure as soon as I start that process I'll be plenty busy as well. Staying alone for those few months before he comes back might be the hardest, but I'm already excited for the day that he gets to come home for the first time. And not just home as in Catawba County, but our home. The home that I will prepare for us while he is getting job done. It makes me so proud when I think of it that way... of how he's making so many sacrifices for us, for everyone. I've never been so consumed with so many dominant emotions as I am when I think about these next two years.
I've also read that it's much easier to count down weeks instead of days until they come home. Fifty-two weeks is much easier on the heart to count down from than 365. So I get to make a fancy countdown calendar once I get official dates, which probably won't be until this time next year. Either way. I have to have something to look forward to.
E finally seems to be getting excited about the wedding and I have to admit, amidst so many negative aspects of what's going on, there are a lot of positives. I finally realized that, while this does mean I have to rush the wedding up a bit, I also get to be a bride sooner. There are so many fun things I can look forward to now for the spring... wedding showers, bridal showers, engagement photos, bridal photos, the rehearsal, the actual ceremony... my honeymoon! Not to mention my graduation that I've worked my ass off for. There are bright spots, yes. They're there! I know they are. I just wouldn't have wished for them to be so smooshed together. I wouldn't wish to have to set a new date, formulate a new plan and make it work. But then again, would it really be traditional Olivia style to do things in an orderly fashion? Not exactly. And if I were really concerned about time crunches, I wouldn't be writing this blog post instead of working on the two research papers, presentation, feature writing project, resume project, org comm exam study guide, media law exam study guide or the research methods literature review. No, obviously I have no real concern over time.
And that's probably how God knew that I could handle this.
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