Door Knocks and Bent Metal

Last night, I had the scare of my life. Maybe it was the fact I had just watched a few episodes of Army Wives, or maybe I was just trying to process some of the details Ethan mentioned during his phone call that morning about his first mission... either way, I was especially on edge. I was eating dinner and watching TV and then, it happened. There was a steady knock at my door. My eyes flashed at the clock and I tried to process what time it was here, what time it was in Afghanistan and how late casualty notifcation took place. Wasn't it 7pm? Or did they notify until 9pm? Would they know I'm here, since I forgot to change my address? Had they notified someone else? How did it happen? Did it happen? My heart sunk and I opened the door to find my neighbor. He asked a question, I answered and I walked back in and I absolutely lost it. My sister had no clue why I was so upset, and how could I say it outloud? How easy is it to say that even though I'm strong most of the time, that a knock on my door brings me to my knees? How could she possibly understand that that sound, the sound of a fist on a door, has the potentional to destroy my whole world?

I couldn't possibly explain it, so I didn't. And I don't know if it was the massage I had that afternoon, the exhaustion of stress or God just giving me peace for the night but I slept well. This morning I woke up and forgot that I let someone borrow my car. I started my walk to work and realized that I didn't have to run a race. How often do I really get to enjoy a liesurely walk in the cool morning air? Wouldn't it be awesome if I used this time to talk to God, and to pray for my husband? So I did. I started off quite formally in my head but by the time I turned the corner to my office, I probably looked like a crazy person. I was rambing outloud, using my hands, gesturing to what appeared to be nothing. I laughed, I almost cried. It was awesome. And then I asked God to just remind us that He was in control. I asked God to remind me that during my day, I was serving Him and that Ethan was serving Him. I asked Him to show Himself to me in anyway He could so that I would always be reminded.

I took a few steps, looked up, and I saw this:

Seriously? Now I know it was there before I started praying. I know that this twisted piece of metal might have been passed by for weeks on my countless walks to work. But this morning, I saw it. Call me crazy, but it was no coinsidence.

I laughed and I realized how good God is. I then told Him that if He wanted to send me a phone call from E, that that would be good too.

I got to work and within minutes my phone was ringing. Can I just take a minute to say how awesome it feels to know that my husband and I have such a solid rock as our foundation for marriage? I've said this before and I was met with resistance and a bit of backlash but I still mean every word: I don't know how marriages thrive without Christ as their center and focus. How could any marriage truly be good without the one true Good thing about life? I could go on and on and on.

Ethan made me laugh today. He was funny and he sounded happier and he sounded like himself. We talked about life today and life when he comes home. It truly warmed my soul to feel so connected to someone by a simple, thirty minute phone conversation. I can feel his presence through these calls, through his prayers and through my own walks with God. I can feel our marriage becoming stronger, our relationship with Christ growing and our love for each other holding on in a way that only true love can.

I'm not saying this distance is easy. At the least, seeing him off in Texas was the very worst day of my life so far. But there is a but. But it isn't SO bad.

Here's to Christ reminding us of our walk, of our faith and of our love for each other.