The Beginning 1%

Where to begin? The last I wrote, I was on a plane and Texas bound to stay with my husband for four short, glorious days. I wish I could bottle up the feeling I had when I first pulled up to the barracks and knew that I was about to see my sweet E! I couldn't stop smiling as he walked my way and started our mini-vacation in El Paso. We spent lots of time together, ate at yummy restaurants, saw movies, went to the Zoo and talked about life. For the first time since we've been together, E talked openly about wanting to have kids and how important it was for us to start a family. It warmed my heart and made my soul smile to hear my husband tell me that he wanted kids when he comes home. It makes me nervous thinking that this time next year we could be trying to have our first child, but it's also very exciting. I've always wanted to be a young mom but it's sort of crazy to think that the time is already coming that I could make that dream a reality.    

During all the times we were talking and laughing and loving each other, we were strengthening our marriage and affirming the vows we made almost 8 months ago.

 

Our four days ended, though, as good things sometimes do. I wish I could say that I had dry eyes and a tough skin as I drove back to the barracks, unloaded E's things and gave him one last hug before our 9-10 month separation began. But I can't say that at all. I hung on for dear life and asked him not to go. Unfair? Absolutely. But I couldn't find many other words. I didn't want him to leave. I don't like that he left. There are times, in weak moments, that I am truly angry about what he does for a living. But those moments are few and far between and they usually when I am at my most vulnerable. During the times I have to say, "see you later," and during the times that I'm the most scared.

I did, however, manage to say a hundred, "I love you"'s and gather the strength to get back in my car and drive away, leaving the love of my life behind. And as I left, there was a feeling of relief that washed over me. No, I didn't like what was happening but at least it was finally happening. For months and months we've been apart so he could train. We've been talking about deployment, preparing for deployment, cussing deployment and fearing deployment but now we can finally start this deployment. Now, we can count down until he comes home instead of when he would leave. That is something to celebrate, really.

Since I drove away from El Paso, miles have been flown. I'm back on the east coast and E is halfway across the globe. We've spoken once on the phone since he left the states, and he's left one Facebook message. It's hard at times and I find myself not wanting to sleep or do anything that might make me miss a call or a message. When I don't hear from him, I already start creating worst case scenarios in my head and when I have heard from him, I have a smile plastered on my face that would have to be surgically removed.

I know we've got this deployment and I know we're going to make it out stronger than ever, but we're about 1% into this with about 99% to go. It seems like an eternity away until he'll be back home but I know that's just me being dramatic. I went back through my blog to find out where I was at in life a year ago and I was slightly surprised. I was in New Orleans, and had been engaged for less than 48 hours. It is crazy to me that an entire year has passed since my then-boyfriend got down on my knee and proposed to me in the most romantic of ways. But a year has passed. And just as this year has passed, another year will pass. In fact, in 10 months, my husband should be back in the United States and I will look back on this post and thing, "10 months, already?" This is what I'm telling myself, at least. Because for me, it's midday and for E it's the middle of the night. Our worlds are different, our miles apart are many, but our love is stronger than it has ever been.

So as I sit on my couch, watching TV and feeling a bit sorry for myself, I also remain thankful that I have a husband to miss and a God to protect him. 

Here's to the next 99%!

Thanks to the Pease Greeters for taking this photo of
my husband as he stepped off the plane to refuel
in NH before making their way overseas!