Where did August go? Today is the last day of the month and it's so, so exciting for me. A full month has passed since I've seen E which means an entire month of this deployment is officially over! I'm so blessed to say that it truly feels like just a month has passed. I won't go as far as to say that it passed by quickly, but it certainly didn't drag. I've heard that the first and last month are the hardest, so I'm hopeful that the rest of this deployment passes by in the same way. While I'm always thankful for the days and months God gives me to live, I certainly can't wait for the next eight to pass by.
August wasn't just about getting the first month of deployment down. While I almost always talk or write about how deployment affects my life, I realize that there are other things I've got to focus on and experience on my own. In that aspect, August really challenged me and I can say that there have been just as many ups as there have been downs.
My job has been such a blessing. Financially, it's made us as comfortable as we've ever been. When it comes to actually enjoying the work, well, I'm getting there. There have been some tough days that I felt like it was so beyond me to actually be an executive director, but there have been other days that leave me with a feeling that I really am making a difference. The days that I'm enjoying work are slowly starting to outnumber the days I wish I were back to making coffee, so I'm taking that as a sign that God is using this job as a vessel for me to reach into the community and do His work.
I've also actually made the first steps to become healthier and I've lost three little pounds. No, three pounds aren't a lot but they really have motivated me to keep going. I've cut out fast foods, sweet tea and I've started to drink lots of water and cook healthier. I already feel myself changing which really makes it easier to wake up every day and keep going.
I've started to do a good "deep cleaning" of the apartment before fall gets here and I'm getting rid of a bunch of clothes that I don't really need or wear anymore. It really does feel nice to organize, label and purge things, even if it's just a small amount of "stuff" to go through.
August also brought a different kind of heartache that I experienced after Ethan deployed. I've mentioned it before, and truly feel like I've said all I can say but the fact is that I still miss who I thought was a good friend. I'm not sure if it's normal, but I do this every time. Every time I have a friend "leave," it takes me weeks and weeks to get over it; honestly even after time, I never really do. The weekends are the absolute worst because I get on Facebook and Twitter and see where people are connecting with their friends or out with their significant others and it just hits me: I'm alone with my dog watching TV. But I look at this as a blessing, too. For some people, the week days drag and the weekends fly so I'd rather be miserable for two days instead of five at a time. I still hold out hope that I'll get a simple text or call or email but the more time that goes by the easier it is to understand that I've been forgotten.
Because Fall is my favorite season, I think it will be a tough one to get through without E. I love going to the mountains for day trips, haunted trails, pumpkin patches, chilly mornings, turning leaves and all the other fun things about Autumn. This year, I know it will be much different. There are so many things that are different about this fall from those in the past. Traditions that I loved won't commence, activities that I enjoy with my husband or in a group won't be the same solo. I'm sure there will be moments when I'll feel like I'm missing something and that the life is unkindly moving past me while I watch from the sidelines, but I pray I remember that I must get past this season to see the spring when I'll see my E again. Apple festivals, haunted trails, Shatley Springs, late night walks in the park, Oktoberfest, birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Black Friday... these things are things I loved in the past; these are things I looked forward to and got comfortable with because they just happened. But this year, they are all sad reminders of things that have passed or things that will come and go or things that I just can't have anymore; I can't have a romantic walk in the part without my love, of course.
But just as August has come and gone, fall will come and go. It might seem impossible at times, but it won't be. With God all things are possible and I will surely get through even my most favorite time of year.
September, please be kind.
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