To My Future Kids,
Never get comfortable. I don't mean you shouldn't curl up in your favorite chair and read your favorite book, kind of comfortable or the kind of comfy you feel when you have found the most perfect spot on the bed with the covers bundled around you just right. I mean with life, don't get comfortable. When you're comfortable, you will be shocked by change. You will be wounded by actions you don't expect and you will fall into a sadness that would otherwise be replaced with wonder. Not being comfortable doesn't have to mean being uncomfortable, though. It means you are always aware that things could change. As soon as you feel as though something is solid, rock solid, it might change. Don't be alarmed by that, either. It's probably good. And if it's not good, make it good. There will times when people surprise you - and that's because you got comfortable. I don't mean that you shouldn't trust because if someone earns your trust you give it to them and you cherish it and don't you ever break it. But don't make that a reason to get too comfortable. Always know that things could change. Change. Change. Change. Life will happen, people will disappoint you. You will lose people along the way and you will be a better person because of the mark they left on your life and because of the marks you didn't let them leave on your life. Before that though, it will feel like a knife went through your heart but that goes away. The pain won't stay; the memories will never leave but each day, you'll get stronger and you'll come to your senses. It hurts. It sucks. It makes you regret but don't ever, ever regret. Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve...you deserve more than anyone could give you, but there's a difference in someone giving you their all and giving you what they think will satisfy you. You know what's best for you. If you make decisions and you find out that someone thinks it's the wrong one, that's okay. Trust yourself. If you find out that someone you thought supported you but never really did thinks you made mistakes, use that to fuel your fire. Prove them wrong. Make them realize that you are fierce. Never let someone walk into your life and become one of your top priorities if they only make you an option. It is when you let this happen that you'll get comfortable being an option, and when someone decides you're not an important option anymore, you'll find yourself not knowing where to turn. Don't let it get this far.
But if you do, you WILL be okay. Definitely okay. Because you're stronger than you think and you are not easily broken.
You are strong. You are important. You are valuable. You are unique. You are an amazing friend. You are not to be taken advantage of. You are solid. You are rich with things money can't buy. You are worthy. You are a child of God.
Trust me. It's in your genes.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Adjusting
So many things have completely consumed the first half of January for our family. To start with, there has been a tremendous change of schedule since the end of last year.
Ethan has been pushing to get a full time job here at home ever since he found out about his deployment and decided to leave UNCC for this semester. Many people gave him a hard time about not sticking with school but honestly, this was what was best for us. Having him home to spend these last few months with us before he leaves is priceless to me, and school can come later. I'm a huge advocate for school and education, but I also know that we have our priorities in order. Thankfully, he got a job at Ethan Allen but unfortunately, he's working third shift.
This has been a struggle for me because we're on complete opposite schedules. We get to spend a few hours together in the mornings but other than that, our contact is limited. Ethan goes in to work at 9:30 and works until 6:30 in the morning. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I work from 1:30 until 9:30, so I go to work when he sleeps and he's gone when I get home. on Tuesdays and Thursdays I see him when he wakes up for about an hour, but other than that, I have him for about 2 hours each morning before I go to class or my internship. It's a struggle because we're newly married and we want to be with each other so much and we can't. We fight more than we should because we're so stressed but there isn't much we can do to change it right now. It's also tough because this is a gigantic reminder of what is happening in May. Soon, we won't even have two hours a day together.
In a way, this is making it easier because we're sort of weening ourselves off of one another. But that isn't what a newly married couple should be doing. We are unable to enjoy each night together, each morning together or each afternoon. Occasionally we have an entire weekend to ourselves, but because of Ethan's job, we aren't able to even take a weekend off and go somewhere with just the two of us. It's discouraging but I'm hopeful that we're experiencing out "worst of times" right now, so when he gets home from his deployment, our "best of times" will kick in to full gear and we'll be moving full steam ahead with a somewhat normal marriage.
Sometimes, it doesn't even feel like we're married and that might sound harsh but I think Ethan would agree. Yes, we're living together now but as I mentioned, we aren't around each other much so the time we are together is spent playing catch-up and just rushing through conversation. We don't have time for date nights or watching movies together usually, so I think when he comes home and we have our own home we will find that married life is much more pleasurable and enjoyable.
I've been working on a few of my resolutions for 2012 and I have to say I'm impressed with myself! While I obviously haven't blogged much this new year, I've done many other things. Here's a reminder of what my resolutions were:
I've not been to the gym yet, but I just started school and my internship this week and that's sort of what I've been waiting for. Now I have a really solid schedule and can work in gym time without worrying about being late for anything else. I'm proud to say that we have started going back to church and we're going to visit a few different churches together in the next few weeks. I'll probably stay at my home church during his deployment, but we're hoping to find a permanent "home" together when gets back. I'm also excited about how organized we're becoming! It's a slow process but the whole house is finally gaining some order, and with the help of calendars, filing bins and storage boxes, it's becoming so much easier to live without the stress of misplaced things or confusion over time and events.
As for the cooking, let me just say you cannot say I haven't tried! I've done really well about making breakfast most mornings, or at least setting out the cereal. I've made dinner several times and I try to pack E's lunch before I leave in the afternoons for work or he leaves for work. That being said, it is INCREDIBLY overrated to make everything from scratch. I did, however, make some pretty darn good mozzarella sticks last night. But to make up for when I DON'T feel like cooking, I found this awesome local service that I'm going to give a try next week. It's called Market on Main and this is how they describe their service:
Basically, lunches/dinners are $3.50/each and breakfast is $1.50. They make all the meals you want on Sunday and they're delivered on Wednesday. You keep them in the fridge for the week and heat them up when you're ready for your meal! I'm going to look at this week's menu, order about 5 different meals and keep them on hand for the nights I work until 9:30. This way, E can eat before he goes without having to wake up too early and I can eat when I get home without having to stay up until 11:00 cooking and cleaning. I'm really hoping we like the taste of the meals. They'll deliver for free, so I'm even MORE excited about that.
As i'm adjusting to this new life of mine, I'm starting to figure out just how important certain things are and how unimportant other things are. Ever since I got married, my social life has pretty much dropped off the radar. I don't get texts as much, I don't see my friends as often and phone calls are rather obsolete. I don't know if people think because I'm married I don't want to be bothered or if maybe I'm not trying hard enough myself... but honestly, I'm more lonely now than I was a month ago! Especially during the afternoons when Ethan sleeps and I'm home, I just get slapped with this reality that even though I'm married, I'm by myself. It's tough! I'm valuing the friendships I do have way more, but I'm also learning to adjust to not seeing them. I guess it's just part of life, but it's a part I don't really care for.
I'm hoping that in the next week I'll get used to the new schedule I have, including my workload and that I'll have adjusted better to this new life of mine... one can hope at least.
Ethan has been pushing to get a full time job here at home ever since he found out about his deployment and decided to leave UNCC for this semester. Many people gave him a hard time about not sticking with school but honestly, this was what was best for us. Having him home to spend these last few months with us before he leaves is priceless to me, and school can come later. I'm a huge advocate for school and education, but I also know that we have our priorities in order. Thankfully, he got a job at Ethan Allen but unfortunately, he's working third shift.
This has been a struggle for me because we're on complete opposite schedules. We get to spend a few hours together in the mornings but other than that, our contact is limited. Ethan goes in to work at 9:30 and works until 6:30 in the morning. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I work from 1:30 until 9:30, so I go to work when he sleeps and he's gone when I get home. on Tuesdays and Thursdays I see him when he wakes up for about an hour, but other than that, I have him for about 2 hours each morning before I go to class or my internship. It's a struggle because we're newly married and we want to be with each other so much and we can't. We fight more than we should because we're so stressed but there isn't much we can do to change it right now. It's also tough because this is a gigantic reminder of what is happening in May. Soon, we won't even have two hours a day together.
In a way, this is making it easier because we're sort of weening ourselves off of one another. But that isn't what a newly married couple should be doing. We are unable to enjoy each night together, each morning together or each afternoon. Occasionally we have an entire weekend to ourselves, but because of Ethan's job, we aren't able to even take a weekend off and go somewhere with just the two of us. It's discouraging but I'm hopeful that we're experiencing out "worst of times" right now, so when he gets home from his deployment, our "best of times" will kick in to full gear and we'll be moving full steam ahead with a somewhat normal marriage.
Sometimes, it doesn't even feel like we're married and that might sound harsh but I think Ethan would agree. Yes, we're living together now but as I mentioned, we aren't around each other much so the time we are together is spent playing catch-up and just rushing through conversation. We don't have time for date nights or watching movies together usually, so I think when he comes home and we have our own home we will find that married life is much more pleasurable and enjoyable.
I've been working on a few of my resolutions for 2012 and I have to say I'm impressed with myself! While I obviously haven't blogged much this new year, I've done many other things. Here's a reminder of what my resolutions were:
1. My first resolution is traditional, over done and rarely accomplished so I'll say it first and get it out of the way: eat better, get fit and lose weight. I know, I know... so many say they'll do it but I really, really want to. I've struggled for a long time and I'm so ready to make this happen.
2. Get to church weekly! ...okay at least more often than I've been going. This year, I grew much closer to God and solidified my salvation. I weaved in and out of church but I really want to start going more and reconnect with St.Paul Lutheran Church in Startown.
3. Heart Organizing More! I think anyone who does their selves a favor and visits Jen's blog over at iHeartOrganizing leaves with many a feelings that include, but are not limited to: inspiration, excitement, a little doubt and a slight bit of self loathing... Why couldn't WE be that awesome and imaginative?! All the same, the girl has it going ON and I can't wait to organize, de-clutter, and better manage my life as well as mine and my husband's time and finances.
4. Become a Chef! ...actually, I just want to be able to cook things from scratch occasionally, make things out of a box sometimes, and microwave our dinner on other nights, too. I'm not bad cook but I'm no Betty Crocker. Ethan comes from a family of women who know how to cook well and make marvelous things out of nothing at all. My grandmother loved to cook but when she was alive, I was too young to appreciate the wisdom she could have passed on to me. My mom isn't a lover of the kitchen, so I'm determined to change things up for us both. It's totally time to start trying cool recipes and maybe even make a few of my own!
5. Blog Blog Blog. I love my blog. But it is so weird. Sometimes I rant, other times I post long, meaningful posts, and there's everything else in between. For 2012, I want to create a wonderful space to write and recollect my first year of marriage, among my many other firsts (deployment, year after graduation, etc). I need to update the layout, get a catchy new title & devote more time to writing on a schedule. I also need to do much better about pictures and video, which leads me to my next goal for 2012.
6. Capture My Life! I need to first purchase an awesome camera, but even before that, I intend to document more things photographically as well as through video. I'd love to set a goal of vloging once a month, and also updating my blog with more pictures throughout the year. Not just virtually, though. I want to make photo books, and perhaps dabble a bit in scrapbooking. While it can get expensive, those memories are so worth every penny. You can't take it with you!
7. $ave lot$ of Money! We are by no means a wealthy young married couple, but we're also pretty lucky. I work, Ethan works, Ethan is in the National Guard and we have a lot less debt combined than most young college students accumulate. While we're going to be working to pay off our -mostly my- debt during 2012, I also plan to save lots of money and cut corners wherever I can. As a wife, I think part of my responsibility to my husband is to help provide for as much as I can without losing sight of the fact that my husband is the head of the marriage, just as Christ is the head of the church. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, because I understand that it is an equal partnership that requires just as much work from me as it does him. I am not submitting to his every desire or making him sandwiches when he demands, but I am working to please him just as he works to please me. Together, I pray, that we can become financially secure during 2012 and into 2013 when he comes home.
8. Get my read on. I love books. I love them, love them, LOVE them times infinity. Sad to say, I've maybe read one book since seventh grade. I know, crazy, right? But school has me reading lots of things for no fun and then you throw the internet in my face and all my free time for reading just seems to disappear. But I want to reclaim it and enjoy it and truly reconnect to my favorite past-time. I was given several books for Christmas that I can't wait to read and I look forward to getting new ones. I'm thinking about getting a kindle or a nook, so we'll see how this goes!
9. Be An Awesome Army Wife. It still hasn't sunk in completely that I'm a wife, let alone the wife to an amazing soldier. While his deployment is something I'm dreading, I'm looking forward to taking advantage of my time at home to be better for him and Him. I'm looking forward to sending only the absolute best care packages, writing sweet letters, embracing short phone calls and counting down to r&r and homecoming. I'm already planning video updates, photo-shoots, and other nifty ideas to pass both my time and his. No one looks forward to a deployment, especially in the midst of such an awful conflict, but it is coming. And instead of being in denial, I will take it by the horns and make the most out of such a terrible situation. Look out, deployment, here we come!
10. Keep Making Goals. There are so many other things I want to list. In fact, number 10 was going to be, "be more crafty!" until I realized I could go on and on and on. So my tenth goal is to keep on keepin' on. Everytime I think of something I want to accomplish - like right now, I decided I want to learn to knit - I need to write it down here and remind myself that I have another goal! It's time to make things happen and get the ball rolling.
I've not been to the gym yet, but I just started school and my internship this week and that's sort of what I've been waiting for. Now I have a really solid schedule and can work in gym time without worrying about being late for anything else. I'm proud to say that we have started going back to church and we're going to visit a few different churches together in the next few weeks. I'll probably stay at my home church during his deployment, but we're hoping to find a permanent "home" together when gets back. I'm also excited about how organized we're becoming! It's a slow process but the whole house is finally gaining some order, and with the help of calendars, filing bins and storage boxes, it's becoming so much easier to live without the stress of misplaced things or confusion over time and events.
As for the cooking, let me just say you cannot say I haven't tried! I've done really well about making breakfast most mornings, or at least setting out the cereal. I've made dinner several times and I try to pack E's lunch before I leave in the afternoons for work or he leaves for work. That being said, it is INCREDIBLY overrated to make everything from scratch. I did, however, make some pretty darn good mozzarella sticks last night. But to make up for when I DON'T feel like cooking, I found this awesome local service that I'm going to give a try next week. It's called Market on Main and this is how they describe their service:
Our menu accommodates busy lifestyles for those who want to eat delicious food that is healthy. By ordering from our suggested Meal Plan (breakfast, lunch & dinner) will assure that you are consuming between 1200 or 1600 calories per day. If you are simply tired of cooking or going out to eat, then select your favorite meals as you wish! For your convenience, Lifestyle Market Meals has calculated the nutritional information for you – a great safe way to eat healthy & lose weight! Each day’s delicious menu is well under 30% fat, high in fiber, 3-5 ounces of lean protein, low glycemic carbohydrates and seasoned to perfection.
Basically, lunches/dinners are $3.50/each and breakfast is $1.50. They make all the meals you want on Sunday and they're delivered on Wednesday. You keep them in the fridge for the week and heat them up when you're ready for your meal! I'm going to look at this week's menu, order about 5 different meals and keep them on hand for the nights I work until 9:30. This way, E can eat before he goes without having to wake up too early and I can eat when I get home without having to stay up until 11:00 cooking and cleaning. I'm really hoping we like the taste of the meals. They'll deliver for free, so I'm even MORE excited about that.
As i'm adjusting to this new life of mine, I'm starting to figure out just how important certain things are and how unimportant other things are. Ever since I got married, my social life has pretty much dropped off the radar. I don't get texts as much, I don't see my friends as often and phone calls are rather obsolete. I don't know if people think because I'm married I don't want to be bothered or if maybe I'm not trying hard enough myself... but honestly, I'm more lonely now than I was a month ago! Especially during the afternoons when Ethan sleeps and I'm home, I just get slapped with this reality that even though I'm married, I'm by myself. It's tough! I'm valuing the friendships I do have way more, but I'm also learning to adjust to not seeing them. I guess it's just part of life, but it's a part I don't really care for.
I'm hoping that in the next week I'll get used to the new schedule I have, including my workload and that I'll have adjusted better to this new life of mine... one can hope at least.
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